The Bachelor Recap #11 and #12

Ep. 11 My worst fears have been confirmed. We’ve hit a new level of beige since the resident mean girls have left and this episode left me significantly underwhelmed bar a handful of mediocre comical moments. Most of them not on purpose. Cass finally won a singe date with the Honey Badger and my, my, wasn’t she as giddy as a school girl. And rightly so, this time last year she was toilet papering her high school as part of muck up day… amirite? Stand out moment #1 – that bathing suit… As a mere mortal, I know from the last time I went to wet n wild, when you hit the water at speed, a bathing suit of normal proportions is propelled into places that require a miners torch and a small rescue part to retrieve it so why in the name of gods green Earth would you wear a bath suit you voluntarily place in the darkness? The thought literally brings tears to my eyes. Stand out moment #2 – Those hair extensions. Did she get stitched up? I feel like she totally did… Everyone knows water is an extension girls worst enemy. As the water left her natural hair colour a dark brown, the extensions shone like neon eels at a rave. She continued to mercilessly flick them about though, seemly unperturbed  by her epic fashion faux pas. Next up, they did some kind of year 12 orientation course, traipsing through mud with back packs full of fear and loathing. Ol’ mate intruder, who’s name escapes me had to sit out due to her moon boot and Dasha score some single time with the Bachie, only to make it even more awkward than their fly fishing date by refusing to engage in any form of conversation. Totes Awks. You could have taken your pick, but ol’ mate moon boot went home because she’s boring. This episode was boring, when will this fresh hell be over…

Ep. 12. Admittedly I actually missed this episode and well, I’m thankful to get that hour of my life back because apparently it was a snooze fest. Let me take a stab at how the episode actually went based on me not seeing in then in the next paragraph see if my psychic predictions were accurate. So, Osher walks in with his hair and a date card. Yay single date they all scream. Single date consists of an extreme sport for which there is a lot of screaming followed by something low key with cheese, near an open body of water. Smooch. Group date will be some kind of low budget rubbish physical activity for which there is a minor single date that ends up being a bit awkward. Cocktail party, tears and an eviction.

So let’s see how I went. So the group date was first, my bad. On Segways… are you serious? Low budge rubbish physical activity – check. Brooke scored some single time – check. Awkward – check. Smooch – check. Emily scored the single date. Extreme sport = dancing, meh… still physical I guess. I’m giving myself a check. Dinner next to a body of water – check. Cocktail party – check. There is some minor drama with Shazza who cries – check. She gets the boot. She makes a stupidly big deal about it… hang on, was she absolutely blazing drunk?

Sorry Dale, you’re out. Home visits this week and here’s hoping they live up to advertising hype. Dad from hell needs to breath fresh life into what is turning out to be the most boring season of the Bachelor yet.

Contestant Backer Contestant Backer
Brittany Suzi Brooke Niraj
Cass Henry    
Dasha Amie Emily Honey
Sophie Joel    

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