The Bachelor Recap Ep. 9 – Plan B

Ep. 9. Aww my girl! Elly (Suzi) scored her second single date with Matt! YAY! Game over everyone I’ve said it from the start!! They love each other! Anyway, this date is budge-as. A couple of “fire experts” are on hand to let them know how flammable they are, and how dangerous it is because if the flame is near their face they could get burnt. Seriously. Ground breaking. As the date unfolds, leather and the word “sexify” is used in a context that’s not appropriate to unpack in a work setting so I’m just going to leave that one well alone but the pinnacle is the “performance” of Matt and Elly’s fire dance, which is about as cringe worthy as watching Tom Cruise jump on a couch. They tip toed around each other like some kind of weird bin chicken mating ritual #awkward.

Group date therapy sessions with Osher and the girls had to write down what’s holding them back from a relationship on a label before Matt pushed them all out of a plane. For a minute there I didn’t think they were going to give Sogand a parachute. China girl Kirsten (Brett) struggled as anyone would with an irrational fear of heights, in fact her legs were splayed so hard against the plane she looked like a cat being pushed into a bathtub. The dude she was strapped to had to knee her forward to get her out. Anyway, despite screaming and skin flapping everywhere the whole way down, it was worth falling 15’000ft for as she got a rose for it.  

As I mentioned last week, Rachel (Niraj) had a wee plan B on the side. She was pretty keen on a member of the crew. I have to be relatively diplomatic in my response to this recent development, but she’s on a reality dating show! She’d had had no single date and he is CLEARLY not interested. Why shouldn’t she have a plan B? Anyway, there’s a relatively low key confrontation which results on her leaving the mansion. No giant surprise there. However… On the ol’ gossip rags, turns out the Plan B convo was a bit of a joke, but she was stitched up by the producers who wrote her number on a bit of paper and passed onto a crew member. SHOCK. Meanwhile, we all know Matt and Rachel were never going to be a thing.

Neither did she as on her way out she yelled out THE MOST ICONIC eviction line in Bachelor history: “You f*&%en dogs!” Haha. That’s not lady-like is it? “I have plan B, plan C, plan D, plan E, plan F… I’m not worried.” Yeah rightio love. Go have fun and a full STI screen. There was a still a rose ceremony and unfortunately our cheerleader Nikki (Amie) ran out of cheer and went home.

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